Quorn-tastic and not so Quorn-tastic

Hamburgers, "Quorn Style."
Hamburgers, “Quorn Style.”

As Meg and I continue our search for more Quorn products as part of our new “healthy” eating regime we have actually found some Quorn things we don’t like. But before we venture into that territory, I would like to say that we love the hamburger patties that we found.

They look sort of like “fast food” burgers and taste excellent. Almost like having a McDonald’s or Burger King, which does kind of make you wonder just what they are really putting into the BK and Mickey D burgers. With or without garnish (we use lettuce and cucumber) they are a tasty  meal that  makes you feel like you’re indulging in a forbidden treat.

So a big “thumbs up” for the faux hamburgers.

I’ve already said about the bacon substitute so I’ll just reiterate that it tasted more like baloney and not like bacon at all. It had a tendency to burn when cooked (although to be far, it was our first time at preparing the stuff) and only had any real taste when it was piping hot.

We have resorted to using the Tesco’s healthy option bacon. This is middle bacon with all the fat removed except for the tiniest sliver on the edge. Now I will point out that this is Dutch bacon. You can’t seem to get the healthy option in British bacon which is disappointing.

I don’t know if any of you have seen how they “raise” pork in Holland, but it is very off-putting. I am not an avid animal rights activist or anything, but even I could see that the way they treat the pigs is cruel. So we are kind of putting our favourite treat on hold for the moment until we can find a viable substitute. In other words, one where the bacon has not been grotesquely treated when it was still on the hoof.

Not to be mistaken for food.
Not to be mistaken for food.

Now for the Quorn product which failed the taste test abysmally. The “shaped lamb” cutlets smelled great (when cooked) and had been flavoured with Rosemary and Mint.

Unfortunately, the aroma was the only thing that these cutlets had going for them. Meg pointed out that the finished (cooked) product resembled tree bark. I had to agree that it did look an awful lot like a huge slab of tree bark.

Meg took one mouthful and after making the sort of facial contortions associated with the Bush Tucker Trials on the I’m a Celebrity show, swallowed the stuff and declared, “I really don’t like it.” After which,  she moved the offending tree bark to the edge of her plate. She later removed it completely and it was relegated to her napkin for the remainder of the meal.

I did not have quite as strong a reaction to it. I ate mine, but did not really enjoy it, and wound up eating hers as well. The only thing I did not like was the amount of Rosemary they had infused the cutlet with. Very overpowering and not at all pleasant. So needless to say, we will not be getting those again.

The final verdict on Quorn thus far is this: if it is  chicken or beef replicated products, the manufacturer wins hands down. If it is pork, that would be a (insert buzzer sound here) no. So in future if we decide to try any new products, they will be of the chicken or beef variety.

The lamb will not be tried again either, whether it is in the shape of a cutlet or not. Although I did manage to choke down both portions, it was not enjoyable and eaten mainly because I could not bear the thought of all those starving Chinese children. *See ma! You did scar me for life with that phrase!*

But all joking aside, we are not just eating healthier, we are living healthier. We walk more or less daily (Meg slows her pace to match mine after she realizes that I am no longer reacting to her conversation as I’ve fallen too far back) I am still too afraid of doing any weights, no matter how light, until the doc says my chest bones have healed.

I’m also a bit leery of walking too damn fast in case I blow out my aorta. I am sure that I’ll be full of confidence after I meet with my surgeon again.

The most important bit is that I do feel healthier each day and I am able to walk faster and further each time I go out. Of course this is not due to a meat free diet. I have  been eating meat as well in the form of tuna sandwiches (with light mayo) and since my return home we had one Kentucky and one Burger King.

I don’t count Chinese food from Michael’s Kitchen (a healthy restaurant that cooks everything in olive oil or non saturated fat oil). I don’t know if I am allowed cookies or ice cream but I eat both, although the ice cream is low fat.

I would have had a lot more to write about in the way of recipes today, but work has reared its ugly head. I won’t go into what is going on at the moment as it is all very up in the air. The moment I find out anything interesting or, at the very least, amusing I’ll be sure to pass it on.

Français : Un MacDonald's, un KFC et un Pizza ...
Death on a plate? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Author: Mike's Film Talk

Former Actor, Former Writer, Former Journalist, USAF Veteran, http://MikesFilmTalk.com Former Member Nevada Film Critics Society

7 thoughts on “Quorn-tastic and not so Quorn-tastic”

  1. I’m glad you’re out there blogging about your experiences so that 30-something’s like myself who eat on the go and don’t make time for exercise can see what’s ahead.


  2. Well, can’t win ’em all, but it’s nice that you have substitutes for the two most common meats anyway. And it sounds like the rest of your health regimen is going along nicely. I’m glad to hear that and hope it continues successfully. I could use some of the same myself. I sit at desks all too much and need to go out and walk more.


    1. I think (except for athletic folks who gym hard 5 to 7 days a week) we all need to walk more. It is still the best, and easiest on your joints, cardiovascular work out there is. Of course you need to do more than saunter around but that’s easy enough to get in the habit of. Cheers mate!


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