Mikes Film Talk

We may well be the only site in the world not overly enamored with the new Barbie (2023). To be blunt, it seems a lot like Pinocchio in a skirt. Apologies in advance to Greta Gerwig, Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling for not getting it. Perhaps being an old white dude, just over 65, who remembers all too well, being forced to play “dolls” with all female cousins. Let’s face it, there is not too much to do as Ken in that plastic world.

Just as there was not a whole lot for Gosling’s Ken to bring to the table here. To be fair to the wooden boy we have compared this film to, the animated version and not the remake with the ubiquitous Tom Hanks as Geppetto, Barbie never voices her true wish to be a real “girl.” Whereas all the stringless puppet wants is to be a real boy

Although to be fair, towards the end of the movie where she “becomes” human, we were drifting off a bit. She could very well have clicked her heels together and said “I want to be a real girl.”

thelma & louise

We really expected to at least like the film. The cast included a number of “names” on offer, up to and including John Cena as a Ken “merman.” There were bits that wore priceless. Barbie (Robbie) telling the old lady at the bus stop, complete with swollen joints and a lot of wrinkles, that she was beautiful was a special moment. The old gal agrees that she is indeed a beauty. A touching moment in a film about plastic toys.

Toy story it ain’t

Barbie is not a heartwarming and touching story about toys that have lost their owner. *Yes we are alluding to Toy Story here with Tom Hanks as Woody. Did we not just label the actor as being ubiquitous. We rest our case.*

Some of the movie just does not work. For all the hype about Barbie and the points it was scoring in a misogynistic world, the inclusion of a “woke” Will Ferrell who feels he has to put the world back in sync, was a step too far.

There were bits that were spot on: Barbie taking off her heels and those heels never touching the ground. That comes later. The shower with no running water. No tea, or coffee, in those Barbie cups. Plastic food and so on. That was clever, just not enough to push this cinematic tale onto the top shelf.

Michael Cera as Allan was funny to a point. Barbie does manage to bring up Midge, the pregnant doll who gives birth to her own baby. Mattel offered up this single mom doll in 2002. Negative publicity and moral outrage was the flavor of the day back then. Especially from the Bible belt of America.

Midge is featured in a blink and you’ll miss it cameo, of sorts. There is no real chance of moral outrage here. Times, they are a changin’ and single mothers are acceptable now. All the better to be completely empowered. Cynical attitudes aside, the film tries hard to not really offend anyone.

It’s not all about the plumbing

The nastiest thing that Barbie has to say about her unrequited male counterpart is that he has no penis. Ken, on the other hand, is a gentleman and does not bring up any additional details about his “girlfriend’s” anatomy.

Barbie has musical numbers and as a fantasy certainly is not as bad as it could have been. Rotten Tomatoes gives the movie a whopping 88%. A full 5% over the audience score. The movie is apparently meta and subversive. To us, this feels a tad like The Emperor’s New Clothes. Folks are seeing what they want to see.

This is not about the plumbing or lack thereof. It is about plastic and unrealistic dolls emulating life as we see it.

Barbie is streaming on Max at the moment. Head on over and see what you see…