You know that a film just isn’t that interesting when you spend more time wondering why one actors’ hand is so swollen that it looks like a cartoon hand. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Written and directed by Adam Gierasch (Toolbox Murders, Mortuary) Autopsy looks great. The cinematography is spot on and the lighting and sets are really excellent. Critic’s raved about how good the film looked and how they relied on non-CG effects.
But kind of like the old joke, looks aren’t everything. The films plot was interesting and as slashers go, it was not too ‘unoriginal’ and did not rely on the old ‘jump’ scares that most films of that genre do.
The cast list was pretty good. Robert Patrick (whom I kept expecting to turn into the T1000) and Jenette Goldstein ( a real busy actress who was also in Terminator 2, “Wolfie’s fine honey.”) and Michael Bowen (who appeared to be reprising his role from Kill Bill vol 1). The film’s heroine Emily is played by Jessica Lowndes from television’s 90210 and she does a capable job.
The film begins with a group of five friends who are celebrating Mardi Gras in New Orleans. As they drive away from the city’s celebrations they run over a pedestrian and crash their car. An ambulance arrives from out of nowhere and two ‘ambulance’ men grab the injured pedestrian and strap him onto a stretcher.
After putting him in the back of the ambulance one of the men tells the group that they should go to the hospital to get checked. The five friends climb into the back of the ambulance and are taken to Mercy Hospital. When they go into reception the nurse on duty (Goldstein) gets them to fill in forms. Emily’s boyfriend Bobby (Ross Kohn) finds that he has been impaled by a long piece of grass. He pulls it out and starts bleeding and has some sort of fit.
An orderly (Michael Bowen) comes in with a stretcher and takes Bobby away. The group of young people get separated and sent to different rooms in the hospital. Emily is called to Dr Benway’s (Robert Patrick) office so he can question her about Bobby.
We find out that the group of friends are being separated and systematically murdered by the ‘hospital’ staff and they need to escape.
I wanted to see this film mainly because of Patrick and Goldstein. Unfortunately the film itself, the cast of young victims, and the murderous staff just did not grab my attention or interest. Rather than being engrossed in the action on the screen, I found my self wondering what Robert Patrick had done to his left hand.
From the first frame of film that Patrick appears in, his left hand has a plaster (band aid) across his knuckles and the hand is extremely swollen. I’m talking ‘Bugs Bunny blowing-into-his-thumb-until-his-hand-is-huge’ swollen. I suddenly found myself looking at Patrick’s left hand every time he came into the shot.
I also spent more time waiting for Jenette Goldstein to turn back up. The film was okay and fairly entertaining in spite of Patrick’s ‘Bug’s Bunny’ left hand.
I suppose that my main problem with the film was Patrick’s left hand. Every scene he was in I spent more time looking at his hand and wondering how he’d injured it. I also wondered it he had hurt it doing a stunt for the film or if he’d done it at home. In essence the film was not interesting enough for me to forget about that damn hand.
So my verdict on this film is it’s a one bagger. One large bag of popcorn will see you through this film and you’ll probably still have some left over.
Oh, and if anyone can tell me just what happened to Robert Patrick’s left hand? Let me know, okay?
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