The Eli Roth 2024 film Borderlands is a new kind of disappointing. It may be based on the video game and have a stellar cast, but it falls short. Very short. Tropes, cliches and a lack of cohesion make this one a huge fail.
It is not unusual for fans of video games to be downright disgusted by celluloid versions of their darlings. *I, on the other hand, have only really despised the Uncharted film. I do love Tom Holland and like Mark Wahlberg. But. Nathan Drake and good ole cigar chomping Victor Sullivan they are not. Had they not taken forever to get it going, fan favorite Nathan Fillion was born to play Nate. C’est la vie.*
Borderlands has been panned unmercifully across the board. So I am not sure what I can bring to the critical table but here goes.
Fans of Borderlands despise it and folks new to the game it is based on will be lost completely. This beleaguered film lands with a odious thud and does not deliver on any level.
The story
A group of disparate mercenaries search for a magical vault on Pandora.
The cast
Cate Blanchett is Lilith.
Kevin Hart is Roland.
Edgar Ramírez is Atlas.
Jamie Lee Curtis is Tannis.
Ariana Greenblatt is Tiny Tina.
Florian Munteanu is Krieg.
Janina Gavankar is Knoxx.
Jack Black is (The voice of.) Claptrap.
What is wrong
Director Eli Roth, who co wrote the screenplay with Joe Abercrombie, apparently started having problems the minute the first version of the film was seen by Lionsgate. Roth does well with R rated horror, just check out Hostel or Thanksgiving, this one though appears to be a stretch.
Somehow, someway, Roth managed to turn Borderlands into an over long snooze-fest. There is a lot going on in the film. It is distracting and too in your face. *However. Kudos for working in the Wilhelm Scream chaps.*
Most of the problems deal with relying on tired tropes and stale cliches. They even go so far as to emulate the old “Keystone Kops” version of self destruction during a chase scene.
Again, though, I’ve only seen a few walkthroughs of the game via YouTube. So the entire game could rely on all the aforementioned “problems” that I noted.
Casting is everything
The major complaint by fans has been the casting. I can agree with this one almost wholeheartedly.
Kevin Hart as Roland may have been an inspired choice for some reason. I just cannot figure out if it was meant to be some sort of injoke or that he was available.
Cate Blanchett as Lilith, despite sporting the most beautiful eyes in cinematic history, is another head scratcher. As much as I adore this actor, she is a tad long in the tooth for this one.
The Verdict
Bloodlands earns a painful 2.5 stars out of 5. Painful because I dearly love good Sci-Fi, action, comedy thrillers. Unfortunately, this one falls far below the mark. Not even Jack Black can salvage this one. It currently streaming on Starz.
*Side note: If you really want to watch an entertaining video game adaptation, check out the TV series Twisted Metal. It stars good ole Anthony Mackie as John Doe. It is brilliant.*
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