Tag: Substance dependence

I’ve Done How Many??

Am I the only person who sees the little slide at the left of your post screen as a sort of competitive gauge? I finish a post, one that hopefully has been fully edited, and the gauge thingy says. “You published 206 (plug applicable number in here if 206 isn’t your number) posts your next goal is 210.”

Every time I see this thing I feel myself charging up like a Kentucky Derby participant. My brain goes into calculation mode. “Wow! I only have four more posts to hit the 210 mark? I’d better think of something to write!”

I then start “cruising” the net, look at my DVD and game collection and pull up the Add New Post screen.  A lot of these “instant” posts wind up being discarded before I’ve finished the first sentence.

Because despite my competitive hackles rising up, I still have to be in the mood to write. I used to think I could always use my film and game collection to fall back on if I couldn’t think of anything else to write. But I need to have watched the film recently or else I am relying on old memories and,truth be told, those can be a bit dodgy.

The same rule applies to games. If I haven’t played it in awhile I tend to be a bit vague about the game in question.

Unfortunately for me, I have a bit of an addictive personality. That means, according to various doctors I’ve had over the years, that I am easily addicted. To everything. Really??

I tend to disagree. I always point out, quite logically, that if I were indeed an addictive personality I would be addicted to everything and I am not. I don’t do hard or soft drugs, I drink alcohol very rarely, I do still battle with the cigarette thing but that is more to time spent doing it than outright addiction. I also don’t have one-night-stands with strangers because I am addicted to sex.

But I will admit an addiction to writing, reading, game playing, movie watching and adrenaline. All the above mentioned items are leisure activities, the adrenaline I get from my job. But the point is, I guess, that I am seemingly addicted to ‘beating’ the stupid gauge thing on the left of the page.

In my mind I see it as a gauntlet thrown down at my feet. “Ha! You think you’re doing good? Well if you’re so good write me another four posts, sonny, and be quick about it. I have another challenge for you when you finish.”

I rise to the occasions every time. So I guess I am addicted to being competitive. Or I am a completionist. If that is the case I’m in trouble.

The sliding gauge ‘thingy’ is always going to win. It won’t matter if I write 206,000 posts (and how awesome would that be) the gauge will always tell me I need X amount to get to the next level.

It almost feels like playing a video game that will always win. No matter how many times you level up it will never be enough to fight the final big boss. I guess I am doomed to feel the same way every time I see the gauge. In fact it just hit me that when I post this up, I’ll see the gauge again.

Oh well, onward and…onward!

Related articles