And in the News Today, Everything’s Gone a Little Weird

English: Logo of Headlines Today
English: Logo of Headlines Today (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So I get up this morning and as usual I start skimming the web. I am looking for news that I find interesting, funny, exciting, irritating or just strange. This morning I found a wealth of  headlines that  made my eyebrows shoot up towards my almost non-existent hairline.

Entire firework display explodes – this was a video that fit the bill of funny and irritating. Of course I would find it funny, I didn’t fight crowds of people to see it live. Nor did I have to pay for parking and then have to fight to get back to my car when the fifteen second display finished. But for the folks who attended, I think maybe irritated would be the order of the day, or in this case night. I wonder if San Diego will try to make it up to the citizens, legal and illegal, who attended the show.

Imogen Thomas shows cleavage – I don’t know who Imogen is, but, I am pleased for her I guess. This one falls straight into the irritating category. If I hadn’t seen the other “headlines” I would have thought it was a slow news day.

Man dies as road swallows car – this one is brilliant. The mental picture you get while reading this one is funny. I got an image of a road sprouting a mouth, opening wide and working it’s muscles literally swallowing the car. The reality, while nowhere near as graphic or fantasy filled, is just as strange. Two people driving in China and the road literally opens up into a five metre hole “that about thirty some odd feet for you non-metric folks out there). Funny with a touch of sad, since one of the unfortunate motorist died.

Pencil Pierces Brain of Two-Year-Old Girl – Pretty self explanatory this one. A toddler on her way to bed falls and almost gives herself a DIY Lobotomy. Luckily for her it did not result in a more fatal injury. Strange and a little interesting. It kind of feels like a ‘human interest’ story in shorthand.

Base jumper survives 120m fall – Another ‘it does what it says on the label’ type story. Guy’s jump goes wrong and he free falls 393 feet and survives. Luckily he landed in snow, so he only fractured about every bone in his body. But…he lived. Another strange and interesting one.

Okay, so admittedly, these ‘headlines’ were all about the video news. These items were all produced by ITN (aka ITV 3) and they were picked presumably because of their diverse nature. Well they certainly caught my eye.

They funny thing is, all these stories made me think of the video equivalent of The National Enquirer. The “newspaper” that used the tagline, “Because inquiring minds want to know,” has been a supermarket favourite for years. *About fifty in fact.*

A lot of people, mainly celebrities, despise the Enquirer. I’ve always found it quirky and downright weird. With is old ‘yellow journalistic’ style of writing I’ve always been drawn to it if for no other reason than to give it a quick scan while waiting in the check-out queue.

The Enquirer used to boast great eye-catching headlines like: Toddler eaten by rats while horrified mother watches, Elvis is alive and living in the back of my car, and Freakish sea monster eats entire ship. I mean just the headlines alone, made for great imaginative skim reading.

While those video ‘headlines’ I saw this morning  don;t quite match the tasteless ingenuity of The National Enquirer they are, at least, the spiritual blood-brother of the paper. It is nice to see that with all the horrible, scary and depressing  news that we are usually bombarded  with someone has made time for the weird and the wonderful.

Katie Holmes Getting Away From Cruise Control

English: Cropped image of Tom Cruise and Katie...

Is it really a surprise that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have split? This May December romance seemed doomed from the start. What’s really surprising is that they lasted five years. It also seems to be following a sort of formula. One that says, the younger the wife, the quicker the split.

We can all remember Tom Cruise on the Oprah show, jumping up and down in adolescent-like glee and shouting to the world that he was in love! All done while he happily showed off the new braces on his teeth. But I honestly don’t believe the split was caused by Tom’s regression into a second childhood. I think the answer may lie somewhere between the Church of Scientology and Katie’s age.

Now it is a well known secret that the Church of Scientology has a congregation whose yearly income could place them firmly in the Forbes listing of  top earners of the world. They are also more well known for being a little…odd. I can’t speculate on either of those two ‘secrets’ but I do know that there have been reports of Katie being followed by mysterious men and cars.

There has been speculation that Katie is tired of being under Tom’s thumb (you see what I did there?) and that she is anxious to win her freedom and custody of their other little one, Suri. There have been reports that Tom doesn’t believe in disciplining Suri and that Katie doesn’t like it. But all these are just speculation.

I have a feeling that Numerology might play a big role in this bust up. All of Tom’s ex-spouses (well two to be exact, but soon to be three) had reached the age of 33 when they left or were booted out. Could it be that 33 is an incredibly unlucky number for Cruise? Is it part of some Numerological calculation that ensures that 33 really equals 666?

I believe that the Numerology theory carries about as much weight as the Scientology theory. A lot of folks are saying that Katie is doing a ‘Nicole Kidman‘ and getting out of the marriage in order to save her floundering career. Really? The very fact that the two actresses are in completely different leagues kind of negates that theory. Nicole Kidman was a ‘heavyweight’ from the start, Katie has always been more of a ‘middleweight’, working steadily but not garnering the type of reviews that Ms Kidman regularly receives.

English: Nicole Kidman at the 2009 American Mu...

Most likely the real reason for the split does centre around the age issue. I think Katie has grown up and Tom is still in second childhood territory.