This Week at the Movies, Yawn…

Okay.You can call me old, jaded, and down-right hard to impress, but… Looking at the selection of movies that IMDb is offering up on their homepage is pretty depressing.

Not to mention unimpressive.

First on the list of “Wait till you see this” is A Good Day to Die Hard. Now I will stand right up and say that, “Yes, I am a Bruce Willis fan-boy.” Since I first saw the guy in Moonlighting back in the day, I’ve been a devout fan. Hell, I even liked Hudson Hawk!

But Die Hard 5??

Come on!

Okay, it looks like we get to see the ever delectable, not to mention talented, Mary Elizabeth Winstead again as she reprises her role as John McClane‘s daughter. But seriously? What the hell is going on?

Is this Hollywoods answer to allegations of plagiarizing superior foreign films into homogenized and pasteurized remakes? It’s like the studios are saying, “See? We can do original films!”

Sorry guys, but another addition of an existing franchise aka sequel spawning series, is not original.  And can someone explain why “American as apple pie and three times as hard” John McClane is having to fight in Russia? Is it now in poor taste for him to fight terrorists in the USA? Or have we run out of cities that the great movie watching public care about?

Die Hard 4 aka Die Harder was the first time we got to see John as a father and ex-husband and (gasp) old guy. The film spent far too much time on the younger members of the cast and the “joke” of the “old guy” showing the youngsters how it was done pretty much got old after McClane took out the helicopter with a car.

I think we can assume (and yes, I know that makes an ass of u and me) that this latest version of McClane and family will be more of the same. My reaction? YAWN.

The second film being touted on page one is Iron Man 3. Robert Downey Jr’s latest offering as Tony Stark. The trailer looks interesting, but…was it all that long ago that we had Iron Man 2?  We won’t even mention Tony Stark’s appearance in Avengers Assemble. It’s another case of “let’s make more money while the audiences are still fresh from being impressed by the Avengers movie.

Okay, not quite as irritating as Die Hard 5, but it’s damn close.

Last on my list of yawn inducing movies is Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters. And yes, I know it’s not on the home page of IMDb but I had to list it. I had to!

I could easily waste about a thousand words on the myriad of things wrong with this film. But I won’t. what I will do is ask that you watch the trailer and see if you have the same reaction to it that I did.


Now I won’t mention the fact that this is supposedly taking place in The Brother’s Grimm country (which was another so-so film about “real” fairy tales and the destruction of them) and that the two main protagonists are both speaking in broad American accents (one naturally and one, not so naturally) and that the weapons they use don’t fit into the fairy tale time period.

I won’t even mention that this is yet another variation of the “bad-ass” good guy wasting a villain with the obligatory wisecrack by said good guy or his companion.

What I will say, is that the film seems to have been aimed for the young teen market. Yet, the trailer is recommended for mature audiences. What the fudge?

I might find all the over-the-top blood and gore and the other CG created effects entertaining if I were about 12 years old, 13 at a stretch. But now? Uh, that would be a no.

I like movies that are escapist in nature. I always have. But come on guys, let’s try a little harder next time.

All right?