Life through my myopic eyes.

Door to Door Spam


no spam!

no spam! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On the days that I am not ‘returning to work’ I usually write or research articles (mainly Wikipedia) or read other blogs. This is on top of performing the many mundane tasks which face a single man who lives with his daughter. The list of mundane tasks include the daily maintenance required to keep your house and home from resembling a rubbish tip. It also includes the necessary task of preparing food so that the two members of this household don’t wind up resembling survivors from a death march.

Of course some of these tasks don’t fall into the daily category. They come under the heading of ‘weekly chores’ that must be done for the outside areas of the house. Cutting the grass, trimming the edges of the lawn and the hedges. Picking up the rubbish that has been deposited by the many urchins who play around the neighbourhood.

One of the things I do that is not particularly part of any task list or category is removing the ‘built up’ spam from my blog. Askimet does a lovely job of rounding up all the spam contributions to my posts and then puts them in one spot for me to eliminate with extreme prejudice. I do like to stop and read the spam ‘comments.’ They are always worth a chuckle or two. Written with the use of a universal translator or by a preoccupied six year old, the mangled metaphors and garbled English never fail to amuse.

The other thing I do is  eliminate the built up spam from in front of my door. Every day a multitude of physical spam comes through my letter box. Leaflets, sales notifications, menus from new restaurants, local newspapers, political news, offers to sell my (rented) home, and job offers to deliver all the aforementioned items.

I get so much spam through my letterbox, that if I left it untouched for just one day, it would resemble a paper and cardboard model of the Himalayas. I have been in my kitchen or the downstairs smallest reading room and heard the muffled march of  footsteps treading past the front of my house. These footsteps pause for the smallest of pauses and deposit more spam through my letterbox before marching on to the next house.

I envision a row of spam depositors queuing up outside my house in an orderly and patient fashion. Each waiting to deposit their messages of sales, food and employment through my door’s letterbox.    I also envision the same ‘spammers’ fighting each other over each street of houses as to who will be the first to drop off their paper mountains of spam.

I can imagine scores of people from all walks of life patrolling the neighbourhood with their little pull-along trolleys full of leaflets. Criss-crossing one another and exchanging pleasantries as they pass. Pausing to apply more sunscreen in the summer months and stomping their feet and blowing on frozen fingers in the winter ones.

I have noticed that out of all the ‘spam’ that I collect from the front of my hallway, one particular leaflet appears regularly. It is an employment opportunity that pays pretty well for a part-time job.

300 to 400 pounds per month for delivering leaflets door to door. If I ever get lonely I’ll have to give it a go. After all there certainly seems to be a lot of them out there.

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , ,

Categorised in: Autobiography, Funny, Personal, Reflective, Social

4 Responses »

  1. Funnily enough I just replied to you on my site about your comments being classed as spam on there?! Strange, so I apologise again and as you mentioned in your post here its worth checking in there and see what they have caught. I get a lot of compliments from spam, I might just post them :)

  2. Hey! Thanks for the mention! Argh! Spam stinks . . .

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